Ken clay

The trouble started Friday when I got the following email from Facebook:
Hi Ken,
We detected a login into your account from a new device named “IE on Windows” on Friday, April 5, 2013 at 11:11am. This device has been added to your account.
Operating System: Win7
Browser: IE
Location: Indianapolis, IN, US (IP=
Note: Location is based on internet service provider information.

If this was you, please disregard this email.
If this wasn’t you, please secure your account, as someone else may be accessing it.

The Facebook Security Team
Usually we get a notice like this after being periodically asked to tell where we are logging in from (I have never understood the reason for this sudden query) and we have filled in “laptop” or “kitchen” , which is where our main computer is. So seeing that someone had used “IE on Windows” as a login made me click on the words “secure your account”. I never should have done it.

First of all, it turns out Mrs. K had logged in with “IE on Windows”, which it seems was one of the choices on a newly designed screen. Secondly, I should have asked Mrs. K if she knew anything about the “IE on Windows” login, instead of being so reactionary.
Thirdly, …well there is no thirdly – I had just made a big mistake!

After I clicked on the “secure your account” link I got this email:
Hi Ken,
It looks like someone may have accessed your Facebook account. To secure your account, you’ll need to answer a few questions and change your password the next time you go to Facebook.
For your protection, no one can see you on Facebook until you secure your account.
The Facebook Security Team
Now when I try to log in I get this array of instructions:
You started securing your account on Friday, April 5, 2013 at 1:43pm by clicking a link we emailed you.

To finish securing your account, you’ll need to answer a few questions and change your password. For your protection, no one can see you on Facebook until you finish.
With a button to click that says “Continue”. When I push that button I see:
To confirm your identity, please log in from one of these browsers you have used before:
IE for Win7 (March 24 at 5:20pm)
Safari (March 23 at 4:31pm)
(Fact is I have never used Safari to log in to my acct. – but regardless…) I log in on my IE for Win7. And get taken through the EXACT SAME progression AGAIN!

Under the above notice there is a clickable “I don’t have access to any of these” – so the next time through I click on that. And I see this:
To make sure this is your account, we need you to upload a color photo of your government-issued ID. Your ID should include your name, birthday and photo.

Acceptable IDs include your:

◾Driver’s license

◾State-issued ID card

◾Military ID card

◾Immigration ID with signature

We won’t accept:
◾Your profile picture

◾Everyday pictures

◾Clip art
So I scan a file of my driver’s license and send it in (two more clicks worth). Then I am asked to provide a secure email address. I type it in and click it in.
Then I must click a box further proclaiming that –
“Only I know the password for kl*****m@com***”
I do that.

Then I get a box that thanks me and says “Someone will review your uploaded ID shortly and reply to you at the email address you provided.”

That was Friday – three days ago. I did get an email – it unhelpfully added:
Hi, (they don’t even call me Ken anymore!)

We locked your account because it might be compromised. Here’s how you can get back in:

1. Try logging in to your account and completing the recovery steps from a computer or mobile phone that you normally use to access Facebook. You can start the recovery process here:

2. If your account is still locked, please wait while we review your ID.

If you haven’t provided an ID that meets our requirements, please reply to this email and attach a picture of your ID. You can review what types of ID we accept and how to send your attachments over a secure connection here:

Note that we won’t be able to take any action on this account without a picture of an ID that meets these requirements. For your privacy, this account will remain hidden on the site until you are able to pass the lock on your account.

The Facebook Team

Then silence.

Did you know that there is absolutely no way to get personal customer service from Facebook? There is no chat forum. There are 3 email addresses to try, but they all generate the same unhelpful response with links to their help pages – which cannot help me. It reads:

Thanks for your email. We’re streamlining how we receive feedback to be able to better assist you. The links below will take you to more information to help you solve and report your problem.

Common issues

• Warnings & disabled accounts:
Get information about warnings, feature blocks, disabled personal accounts, and disabled business Pages.

• Security:
Address a hacked or compromised account, report abuse, and learn how to keep your account secure.

• Trouble accessing your account:
Get help logging in, signing up, and resetting your password.

All other issues & information

If your issue isn’t listed here or you need to find a more specific contact channel, please search the Help Center:

Please note that this is an automated email, and replies to this email will not be read.

The Facebook Team

I Googled to find a customer service phone number for Facebook – I found one! I called it – (650) 543-4800. The answering voice said to press one if I wished to talk to customer service – I did! – the voice on that link told me there is no personal customer service! (I swear to you. Try it!)

So now – due to no one’s fault but my own – I am locked out of my Facebook account. With no where to turn. I have resubmitted my ID picture 3 more times. I have sent the emails to the 3 addresses I have found, and gotten the same packaged unhelpful response 3 times.

I am a man without a Facebook account.

I talked on the phone to my sister today. She wondered what had happened to me – because I was not on Facebook any longer.

I am no longer a viable entity in the Facebook universe.

If you read this and are a Facebook friend of mine, please link this on your Facebook account. One, I want people to know what happened to me – and two, I want them to know these things about Facebook.